To Honor or Not to Honor: 7 Instances When You Should NOT Use a Family Name

For many years all around the world, it was the norm to hand names down generation after generation. In many cultures, it was traditional to use family names. Sometimes there were even patterns laid out for determining which child gets which relative's name.

Times have changed a bit but even modern parents find themselves considering whether or not they'll honor a relative.

There are times when the honoree is a wonderful role model for the child and passing down their name is natural for the parents. The child gets the chance to feel a connection to their family's past and no doubt that honored relative is thrilled!

However, there are other instances when honoring someone just doesn't feel right. How do you know when you should and when you shouldn't honor a relative? It isn't easy when familial pressure sets in, especially when there are traditions in place that you're expected to follow like if your husband is the fourth, do you have to make your son the fifth or could you break tradition?

I previously described how you could honor a relative even if you hate their name, but this article will help you figure out if you should even bother trying to honor someone at all.

Here are a few reasons why you should NOT use a family name for your child:

Because... it's just... ugly...

You've tried to find a way to twist your relative's terrible name around to become something beautiful but no matter what you try, you still cannot find something that you love that would still honor that person. Now what?

Well, there are some names that are just too odd, unattractive or out-of-fashion to consider. It isn't a bad thing to dislike them. Some names may end up being burdensome on a modern child. It is okay to avoid those ones even if it means that you won't be honoring anyone.

If you were to really discuss this with your relatives, you may be surprised to find that they may agree with your decision to skip using Grandma Bertha's name. Don't fret!

Because they don't even like it...

Imagine that you've decided to name your daughter after your mother. When you tell her about it, you're surprised at her negative reaction and she urges you not to do that because she has always hated her own name. You try to explain your reasons but she stands firmly against having a namesake.

Ouch. What can you do?  Since you clearly don't have her blessing on using her name, it may be best to respect her wishes and find another name.  Perhaps mom has a few good ideas and you can involve her in the naming process another way.

Because you only like the one...

You've always loved your grandmother Alice's name and for as long as you can remember you've planned on naming a daughter after her. However, your other grandmother's name is Eunice and your husband's grandmothers are Alberta and Gladys. You love these women just as much as Grandma Alice but you don't quite love their names as much.

Is it better to skip using Alice in order to avoid feeling obligated to consider the names of the other grandmothers? After all, you only love that one name and you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by seemingly choosing favorites.

Think about how your family would react. If they wouldn't mind that you only use the one name, great! If aunts and uncles start casting in votes for their own names too, perhaps it's time to reconsider.

Because you don't... get along...

Typically when you decide to use a family name, it is because you love and respect that relative and want to honor them in this special way. Unfortunately, some families just don't get along due to private issues like dysfunction or various painful circumstances.

It stands to reason that if you've never been very close to your family, you probably wouldn't consider naming a child after them.  If this is the case, it's probably best to avoid using an honor name and choose something that would instead bring love and happiness to your new little family.

Because it's hard to be fair... 

You crave symmetry and fairness. If you use a name from your side, you feel obligated to use a name from your partner's side for the next child. You've had your heart set on naming your first son after your grandfather but when you began to ponder names for a future baby #2, you realized that your partner's side of the family doesn't have any decent options that aren't already taken.

The only name you could see yourself settling for belongs to a relative that really gets on your nerves and you don't want your child named after them.  You've searched through middle names, nicknames, maiden names and still you're coming up short.  At this point, it might be better to avoid family names altogether so there are no hurt feelings on either side and you won't end up settling.

Because you want to choose what you want to choose...

There comes a point when relatives begin to offer their ideas about what the baby should be called. There may be old family traditions in place that you're expected to follow and these are never easy to sidestep. It doesn't help that your sister already gave in and named her daughter after your grandmother. Now all eyes are on you.

You wrestle with the idea but you really don't want to follow suit. This is your baby and you want to name it whatever you want! It may be hard to take a stand against tradition and familial expectations but you'll regret it more if you don't.

Because it just doesn't feel right...

You've somehow ended up agreeing on making your son a junior after your husband. At the time, you were happy that your husband was happy but now you're not so sure. Something about it just doesn't feel right. You feel like you're just clicking copy and paste rather than actually giving a name to your child.

Now is the time to speak up. If the name that has been chosen doesn't settle right with you, you can absolutely say something and work toward a compromise that will make you and your partner happy. It is your child! You deserve to love the name you choose!

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Have you encountered any issues during your own naming processes? Were you expected to honor a relative? Why did you decide against it? Share your experiences in the comments below!

10 Ways To Honor Someone Whose Name You Don't Like

You and your partner just found out that you're expecting a baby girl and you couldn't be happier. Immediately, baby names pop into your mind and you're determined to find one that will honor your beloved grandmother. The only problem is that you totally and completely hate her name. Oops!

It's difficult when you love someone so much that you want to honor them but, in your mind, their name leaves little to be desired. You simply cannot picture yourself yelling at little Thelma across the playground and you couldn't handle saying Dolores a hundred times a day. These names work beautifully on your grandmother but they are not right for your modern daughter. What can you do?

Here are ten exciting ways to reinvent, revamp and retrofit your loved one's name in order to fall in love with your choice while still honoring them. These will be in the order of most relevance to the person's actual name. The lower you go on the list, the less obvious the honor is.

1. The World Traveler
Perhaps you don't hate the name Elizabeth, but your sister and two cousins have already honored grandma Betsy by using Elizabeth and you'd like to find a name that will honor her in a different way. Take a step back and look at the international variations and diminutives of Elizabeth and you'll find that you could use nicknames such as Eliza, Elise or Beth as a given name, or you could go one step further and use the French Isabelle or the Spanish Liliana which come from Elizabeth. There's also Elsa and Lisette and Elspeth that catch your eye.  Don't be afraid to explore alternative origins of the same name.

2. The Cross-Gender Honor
If you love uncle Cecil but dislike his name, you could still honor him by naming a girl Cecily.  If grandpa Willard's name just won't do, you could go with Willa or Willow for a girl instead.  Or the other way around, name a son after great-aunt Phyllis by calling him Phillip. It's okay to name a girl after your grandpa or name a boy after your aunt. There are plenty of names that can be feminized or masculinized to honor someone even if you're having a baby of the opposite gender.

3. The Nickname Bond
Is your relative better known by a nickname rather than their proper given name? You could use that to your advantage by using that same nickname but applying a different given name to it for your child. For instance, you'd like to honor your father who goes by Harry. His real name is Harold which you don't like. Name your son Henry and let him go by Harry just like grandpa.  Or name your little girl Annabelle after grandma "Annie" whose real name is MaryAnn.

4. The Hidden Treasure
You've only ever known your great-grandmother as Dotty and later learned that it is short for Dorothy. You'd love to honor her but you just don't like either name. Finally, you think to ask if she ever had a middle name. To your surprise, her middle name was Grace. You and your partner are thrilled to discover this and immediately name your daughter Grace after your beloved great-grandmother. You never know when an excellent name could be tucked away in the middle name spot. Explore all of your options!

5. The Familial Mention
You could potentially honor an entire lineage of people simply by giving your child your maiden name or another surname in the family tree. There are many surnames being used as first names today from Parker to McKinley to Harrison to Stone. Explore your options and perhaps you'll find that you can honor your whole family this way!

6. The Monogram Replica
Another way to honor someone without actually using their exact name is to use their initials. Take their first and middle initials and come up with a different name that you love for your child. This is a subtle but sweet way to give your child his own identity while still allowing him to feel a connection to that beloved relative forever.

7. The Branch-out Method
If you're honoring someone on your family tree, explore their name's family tree too. That's right, find a different but related name. For example, did you know that you could honor grandma Heidi by using Alice, Alison, Alyssa, Alicia, Ada, Adelaide or Della? Most people won't see the connection, but all of these names come from the Ancient Germanic root name "Adalheidis".

8. The Beloved's Beloved
There is a way to honor a loved one without actually using their name. Maybe your mother's favorite flower is a lily. She even had lilies in her wedding bouquet. This would allow you to name your daughter Lily or even Lillian and still honor your mother because of the sentimental connection. You could even use the name that your mother would have used had she had another child. Or you could name your child after the city that your grandparents came from, or after your uncle's favorite song or sports team or fictional character. As long as it means something to you and your honoree, the sky's the limit!

9. The Meaningful Connection
Another subtle way to honor someone is to give your child a name that has the same meaning as their name. You'd like to honor your mother-in-law Glenda but you can't find a way to do so and you dislike her name. You see that Glenda means "pure" so you search by meaning and find that the lovely Katherine also means "pure." It doesn't seem connected at all but since they have the same meaning, it works as an honor name in that regard. There's plenty of names that mean something in another language, too, that could be played with. You just have to dig deeper but this method would probably be a last resort if you cannot find a better way to honor someone.

10. The Tuck Away
After exploring all of the above methods to honor someone even though you hate their name, you come to the conclusion that there is no good way to alter it. You'd rather use their exact name than creatively change it with a work-around, but you still don't like it enough for a first name. The answer is simple: put their name in your child's middle name spot. Choose a first name that you love that the child will answer to, but let their middle name serve as an honor for your family member or friend.

What do you think about these methods? Which have you used when you named your child after a loved one?

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